Warm regards, Jean. The difference is that while all people with Aspergers are narcissistic (not NPD, but self-centered; it's a central trait), all people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder are definitely not aspergers, and can be the total opposite: super smooth and charming. To Maureen, no chance this allows comments these days or that you can check this but in case it works and anyone reads No matter how much patience and perseverance you have, you may discover nothing works to change the other person. From what you have said, he considers you are the problem in this relationship and this is the reason why he is making statements that it is not working and hes telling you this with his list. This is typical narcissistic behaviour and is a tactic they use to demoralise and destroy the confidence of another person who allows them into his or her life. I am just exhausted by it all. Autism also resides on a spectrum. You are so right Robin, Its exactly as you say where Id give another chance and the misery would start all over again. If I try to see him through glass I can see that he is self-obsessed, opinionated, considers himself always right (which he almost always is because of his intelligence) can be arrogant and is consumed with his own family, their happiness and his health. However the Blind person cannot fathom how they know so much about it, so he gets up and eventually fumbling feels the statue lifts it, the texture, centre of gravity and many extra details you get from that sort of examination ( please pretend everyone else didnt notice the blind guy doing this) The blind guy tries to contribute to the conversation but no one relates to what hes talking about, because they have only observed the colour appearance and possible texture. 5. there I said it, is the world still running? Furthermore, many on the autistic spectrum are hyper-empathic and hyper-feeling, and if you speak with autistic people, you would know that. All men, whether having pituitary damage or nor are already in a testosterone-diminishing environment, and testosterone gets lower with age. Theres likely been more erronously diagnoses in history. hell often make comments about other peoples teeth and how he wishes his looked like that, or says things like I bet they dont have the problems with their teeth I do.. In the beginning he would say inappropriate remarks about other women in front of me telling me I was too sensitive when I asked him not to do that. I randomly searched and found your comments and felt like I found an answer I was long searching for. But.. No i ahve.. never been happier or .. less sad? Always calm.. no drama.. no.. nothing. that its my fault that bla bla.. they tortured me.. guilt trip me.. they enjoyed the god dam narcs they knew they wouldnt have more chances after THEN after days saying they had no found.. that it was useless to ask after 1 hour with me on 10 days empty stomach.. dizzy and all lost they popped food and lied telling me my other therapist was bringing me to food bank last time but i missed the appointment (trying to earn money online to eat!) He keeps demanding support, care, listening, which is reasonable, but I get very little. I really feel for the people there, they are getting many conflicting messages. I found it very difficult to find someone that would diagnose adult autism. Im not a young person and Ive only just come to this conclusion. A few times he said I was a good person. Both narcissists and those with ASD appear self-absorbed and neglectful of others, interested only in themselves and caring little about others but the reasons they act this way are much different. He does whats right for him because he struggles to understand whats right for others. She is very confrontational and I do not like confrontation, so I have cut her out of my life as of now. less interest in sports or activities that involve coordination. I figured early that things were wrong, my parents, brothers and other members of my family were doing/saying things that are horrible often totally illegal. He said I it was from a 30 year job in law enforcement where that is accepted but I think its just the way he is like he has no clue not to do it. Bottom line? The treatment then was medication and psychiatric ward. Through his questions and suggestions and understanding and friendship, and also through reading a book by Alice Miller that he recommended, I came to a new understanding, not only of my case, but at the same time of the whole human condition, mental health in general, suffering in general, why there are wars, why real love is so rare, and so on. I dont have a partner, I dont need one, my brain is now at peace not screwed up by someone else trying to manipulate it. I did wonder whether someone could have both which is what brought me to this page. I wish you luck with your maturation as time moves on. After over 30 years I have been worn down and become apathetic, permanently tired, lacking in motiviation and unable to find much joy in my life. Asperger's Symptoms: List of Most Common Signs and Features - Psych Central Here are some tips: If you are with a person with a personality condition such as narcissism, then you may have similar unfulfilled relationship issues, as well as the added bonus of emotional abuse. Recently however I have observed other traits which seem to indicate a rype of narcissim. It took me a lot of book reading and watching DVDs to begin to understand where my daughter was coming from and it was very much of a relief to finally understand what I was doing wrong in the way I was handling her. I think I partly understand why it went but it would take a lot of explaining, and Ive probably written enough in this comment. The average autistic person is very well-meaning, but misunderstood. When I inadvertently triggered rage in him it was wild and an eye opener, as I can suffer CPTSD, and unfortunately lost a friend of very many years the next day. if I may add it to this reply. All I ever wanted was to be valued and to feel like I was an important person in his life. Thank you so much for your comments on this website! I went to visit a friend for a week and when I regaled him what we did he said you talk too much about her just blew me away considering the hours Ive sat and listened to him about his whole life. In hindsight, I regret offering any armchair diagnosis, even though Ive spent many many hours studying these things for my sake, her sake, and our families sake. All rights reserved. A total war going on but its not on a military or country level. When we look at the relationships that NPDs get into, the other person is often vulnerable in some way and time and time again, I am finding that when we look at the parents of NPDs, one is NPD and the other is ASD. Catch 22 comes to mind here. Good luck. Although I still dont believe he is. She has equal parts of autistic traits AND narcissistic traits! Can anyone suggest what I can do ???? While I absolutely LOVE being right and will happily crow about it when I am, I am actually more interested in finding THE TRUTH than in being right and I can readily admit to being wrong or making a mistake. I am not sane and never will be but i prefer to need to feed from others happiness than the opposite. The first thing I did when I found out what had been a troubling situation for so very long, was to learn what makes individuals with different levels of autism tick. Now i try to.. get some self-esteem since no one would ever tell me anything good about myself i had to find it on my own. Drugs, ECT, resting away from the world in a mental hospital did not help. Too many underlying issues causing the mental illness, Id say. I cant change the world so i try to take what i can and leave the rest but its complicated. Fantastic books, Id recommend them to anyone in recovery, and anyone interested in the human condition. I call my mother i tell her about the 5k.. im thinking about therapies, ways to help myself. Inappropriate sexual behaviour was being exhibited too. And while they were all working on their own masterplans to ruins everyones life i was seeing, understanding the lies, manipulations. We live in London, and its expensive, and we rent. My thoughs anyway. The narcissist can be self-centered in bed, but can usually act and even feel both romantic and passionate, particularly when being admired, as in the honeymoon stage of a relationship. The Connection Between Asperger's And Narcissism - Mental Health She may be 34 but she is more like 22 in her mind, although she is very bright and creative. This is one that helped me to lift the clouds of confusion I had. ADHD and Narcissism: Is There a Connection? - Psych Central All my efforts to improve my situation.. bring.. results.. finally! I have had a life of complex PTSD from child sexual abuse too. I feel like you wrote this just for me. Its the only way, hes toxic and it wont ever get any better. So now, one might wonder, what is really meant by normal? I told her it was rooted in her traumatic past and are the primary reasons that she treated people who cared about her poorly. Hyde), Wants a playbook (structure and predictability), On a spectrum from low functioning to high functioning, On a spectrum from normal-range behavior to. I have a daughter living with me and she has level 2 autism. Narcissists tend to feel that others' achievements are solely due to luck and conceive of themselves as the sole victims of circumstance. I would think generally no, by definition, those with asperger's could not also be narcissistic. I been destroyed and they tried to ruin my life up to .. erasing it for decades. Your partner will probably not be able to do the things that are important to youat least not in a satisfying manner. IT worked. No again. It is liberating to understand the situation and adjust yourself accordingly rather than expecting the situation to adjust to you. This kind of relationship is hellish and I would advise anyone going through it to leave if they are in the earlier stages of their marriage/or life. Any thoughts? Other autistics actually have an excess of empathy- a bit like the HSP (I wonder if all HSPs are actually autistic but that I dont know). Most people with Aspergers Syndrome are not psychopaths. They would pay everything in exchange of me signinig to work for them after my studies. A lot of these unfortunate individuals end up with menial work and cannot afford decent therapy, as not all therapy is appropriate, its a minefield and awareness of the condition in question is vital. Asperger and HFA are all Autism so they are the same, just a spectrum meaning traits that can range from mild to severe. We must consider that individuals can be both. I wasnt after marriage as I have learned this isnt always appropriate for some but it doesnt mean a relationship cannot develop that will be satisfying for both parties. 4. Hasnt it been stated (or proved) that these people actually over-feel way too much but find it difficult to process their emotions externally/outwardly? Asperger's does not exist in a bubble that protects it from co-morbid disabilities and mental defects. It is helpful to be flexible and adaptable. But it is definite now. For a man this is a somewhat embarrassing and diminishing situation and causes stress in itself. It is very important to me. I dont believe she will ever change, but if there is a chance I would be willing to slowly, but very slowly let her back in. Burnout is most likely to happen to good workers who are invested in what they do . If we can generate these so called disorders in humans and animals (unethical I agree) with basic methods of no surprise to the modern up to date (i.e. When I spoke to my autistic daughter about this, she said thats how she sees the world. I have been diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder after years of being considered as bipolar. Because of his homelife with his ex wife who was also a narsistic person that had major alcohol abuse issues and insisted on having 6 children (girls) he was totally burnt out by the time I met him even though his marriage had ended 6 years prior. Dont expect them in your relationship with the person with narcissism. What an awful thing to say to someone trying to recover from narcissism. I personally feel if anyone wants a good example of a full blown narcissist, the president of the USA is one of them. All it did was turn everyone against me even more. Break up and never look back. As I look at the descriptions of each in this article, what behaviours of each look like in everyday life, it is not as clear cut as it is often made out to be. If you saw him, youd think nothing was out the ordinary. The ones that work to gain your trust.. work in fields like these.. are nice .. too nice.. then stab you in the back or when you ask.. the important questions like mine.. they suddenly start working in the same direction aas my family. Were taking time apart now as he thinks were not compatible because I didnt show enough interest in some historical place we were at and I lectured for an hour (was really about 15) about a subject I liked while at another historical place and he feels the list has gotten too long.. Should I chalk it up or try to understand this affectionate but one sided man? Looking back the signs were there to be read. That includes his dental work. a lack of imaginary play. then what is the problem ? Research and study autism and learn what you can to have. Narcissism is a personality condition that ranges from mild to severe. Like he has some wiring thats off and doesnt realize it. Very kind regards, Im in a 30 year relationship with an empathic woman who is just wonderful. I fell out of love about 3 years ago and only stay for financial reasons. If this fellow you have been seeing does have Aspergers as you mentioned he watches the same movie over and over, you will need to learn as much as you can about the condition to be able to understand how to handle someone with it. The DVD was called Imagine Having Aspergers Syndrome. He spoke about one of his patients having an attitude that he was king and the rest of his family were his servants. From what you have said I can see a certain amount of manipulation going on. I never actually BELIEVED the hurt words he would say but it would still hurt. As I began to read it helped me greatly to understand our situation and how it had got to this place. We are seeing a trend with people, mostly men who come from families of both NPD on one side and ASD on the other side of the family. Yes, autism is not easy to understand, but learning about it helps with understanding where that person on the spectrum is, and makes for a far easier life. Neither she and my brother understand what upbringing can do in the way of damage and traumatisation. I contacted her psychologist and asked if they tested adults. My way to determine the difference is via the behaviour called gasslighting. In fact, their lack of understanding of social cues, situations, and intentions can make many of them more likely to manipulate even if it isnt entirely intentional. My daughter was diagnosed as Level 2, which describes her as socially unable to mix. I knew who the abuser was in all three cases. There are many genuinely nice men in this world, but they dont continually go on that life is all about them. I almost left then and now wish I had before I got too attached. When I read the report in the link, it certainly described her situation. Not respecting boundaries. The Myth of Normal, by Gabor Mat with Daniel Mat (in a previous edition, entitled When the Body Says No, but I recommend the new edition) He loves sarcasm but sometimes it just sounds like disguised meanness to me and again Im too sensitive if I say it bothers me. Like looking through real glass and not the rose coloured kind. Now that I understand what makes her tick, I have been able to make adjustments to the way we interact and this has made our lives far better. So I told him I reccently did an Autism quiz and it came back saying I was very high on the autistic side of the spectrum and should get assessed. Great info! Maybe I shouldnt. An afterthought, research the effects of heavy metals and food additives. Lol but heh who knows. Why would there not be any DSM explanation for people having autism doing something shitty or is the 1-sided autism made him/her do it? I watch everyone outside .. its a free-for-all in the world. I tick many of the boxes of the list in this article and its so confusing. Sorry for carrying on but he has traits on both sides of that list and I dont know what to do. On the general issue what is most tragic about all these discussions, as well as the reality of the negative people and the denial of causes physical and otherwise is that these victims on both sides of abuse are using the language of the psychologist and psychiatrist you havent realised that they are your enemy to be simplistic because theyre false narrative is trapping you from getting help for yourself or the family I was born into what seems to me to be a family of narcs and was terribly bullied, abused and scapegoated both as a child and as an adult in the end I had to cut contact with my whole family. Sadly I didnt realise the gift because, maybe, it could have been developed for the good of emotional difficulties, and changed understanding. again, im not an animal that needs to be trained. I didnt want to hurt them or have children that would end up like me. Attracting people outside your own age group is an Asperger's trait. I have my own life Ive developed, (reinstituted) although that wasnt easy as I also have some severe arthritis to deal with from accidents, etc. I also believe I am Autistic (currently undiagnosed). I believe this to be true for a couple of reasons: Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is generally not what people think it is. Both ADHD and NPD can impact the way you see yourself, others, and . I experienced first-hand an autistic person who didnt allow me to say no, heavily used guilt-tripping, and overall emotionally manipulated me through means of guilt in order to get what he wanted from me. The bipolar seems to be more like borderline disorder than bipolar even though my family as strong bipolar genes. Be found at the exact moment they are searching. However he spends upto 2 hours a day looking at them. Practice Management Software for Therapists, Rules and Ethics of Online Therapy for Therapists, How to Send Appointment Reminders that Work, Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/narcissism-vs-aspergers-how-can-i-tell-the-difference-1114174, Clueless about damage they cause even though they can be hurtful and, Hurts other peoples feelings and doesnt care, Has intuition and uses it to get narcissistic supply, Tends to flip into different modes or personalities (Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Narcs if only they could self-destroy each other instead of trying to beat the few good people that are left in this world haa :(. This is how YOU know The Aspie World 233K subscribers Join Subscribe 1.2K Share 24K views 1 year ago #Autism #ASPERGERS #Narcissism This is the. loneliness. My husband certainly does. Robin. Psychopaths, autism, empathy, and mirror neurons. I wonder myself, as I learned eventually to to tap into my mothers sanity, albeit temporarily, which was a gift in itself. I had spent the past 20 odd years trying to help my husband and felt a tremendous amount of guilt because of things he would say to me. This means being around people she doesnt know causes her anxiety she cant control, so to counteract this she retreats back into her safe place. Weird, but Im not complaining. He has reason to be upset, as successive dentists have not whats been needed and left him with some problems. Now Im not sure if I believe him. The Body Keeps the Score: Mind, Brain and Body in the Transformation of Trauma, by Bessel Van Der Kolk I work full time, I do all the cooking, shopping, life admin, as well as lots of cleaning. All rights reserved. I feel its not going to be easy for him but there is no going back now. After working with both populations, it is fair to say that people on the Spectrum are vulnerable to NPDs and it is best to educate society on the behaviours of those with NPDs. Narcissism, according to the American Psychiatric Association's DSM-5 criteria for narcissistic personality disorder, includes somethough not necessarily allof the following features:. Sociopathy or its synonym Psychopathy is not listed as a mental disorder, instead these personality traits are covered within the diagnosis of APD. I dont want to be selfish but I also need to know how do I have a voice in these situations? Apparently it had been a nightmare situation for some years till they worked out where this young fellow was coming from. Once they knew how his mind worked the parents put in strategies on ways to handle him and get him back down to their level. Still they can write down on a sheet of paper all the traits and signs i have of all the abuse but then when i put them in front of the reality they all suddenly become retarded on purpose and tell me i blame others for my failures its all my fault i need more more therapy always more therapy! it does seem possible to have both or at least traits of both. I was not doing much things wrong but they were piling up horribles moves that i started calling out. Do high-functioning autistic or aspies hoover? Time has passed since I wrote those comments and I can say the journey to recover from the relationship with that afflicted person has been very difficult. Can Someone Be Both Narcissistic And Asperger's? I would start saving the world right now and accuse all the stubborn people like Greta does, this is how sociopathic i am. 3. That is a topic I will probably never find the answers to, because I finally lashed out at her in an unforgivable way after she ripped my heart out for the last time. Nothing because it doesnt make them happy the god dam morons. I see him starting to ask me questions about myself because I think (hope) hes beginning to care about me more. Given an unlucky start, I have subsequently been extraordinarily lucky. You have to live your own life and have your own friends with these satanically possessed individuals She kept sending me by force to therapies then after enable me to gamble use my father psychological attacks on me or do it herself if need be to take me down down then when at the bottom .. finish me off with a big loan i never wanted. I dont feel scared or anything and he usually storms out and drives to him mums 17 miles away, returning in two or three hours. He was so young and so small and had no protection, from what I can gather. I could right a book on this subject as lots of people afflicted with these conditions want a decent relationship and to be loved and honoured as most of us do. I have therapists and psy because i just have no choice. The man spoke to the doctor about the world he sees out there as being like chaos and how he needs order in his life. It is unlikely, for an individual to be both autistic and narcissistic. people with autism are not identical in their behavior. Here are some books that helped me a lot, saved my life in fact. But its hard to feed from happiness these days.. everyone is so in the dark :( . Narcs are the cause of 90%+ of all the problems, pain.. everything in the world. I mean other than my pure grades, the behavior of all the important people around me outside my family says a lot.